So, my husband and I signed up not too long ago for one of those DVD-rental-by-mail services. (Yes, I realize there probably is only the one, but I’m not putting a brand name in text where search engines can index it.) It’s been quite useful so far, as there are plenty of movies I’d watch once but not want to buy and store, and the library doesn’t have all of them.

An interesting side effect revealed itself when we sat down together to start compiling films to rent: neither of us had seen the other’s favorite childhood movies. So we scattered them through the list, and take turns snickering at one another’s cherished childhood memories as the films arrive. And since I didn’t watch anything else this week, today I’m gonna talk about…


Willow.

In case you were as oblivious as I was to its 1988 release, here’s the basic idea: a human baby marked for some special destiny is found by a dwarven farmer, who must deliver the child safely to a certain wizardess, who will in turn raise the child to defeat the evil queen.

Simple, right? And rather derivative? Oh yes.

Given that this is a George Lucas film, there are plenty of elements that shouldn’t surprise anyone: major gaps in the plot logic, wretchedly bad acting, lines of dialogue that made we want to crawl under the sofa rather than witness them. The section of the film set at the crossroads is particularly puzzling: if the guy in the crow’s cage needs water so desperately, how is he jumping around in there? Would he really have that kind of energy? And when the army goes by, and Willow tries to give the baby to them, he’s unsuccessful because there are no women among them. Seriously? A massive medieval-esque army on a overland march, and there’s not a cook, or a laundress, or a soldier’s wife following them? Not even a prostitute or two? Really?

You do find women characters in places you wouldn’t expect, though. The ones who are the most powerful (though all second-tier as far as screen time) are female: there’s the queen, her daughter (who commands a portion of her army), and the sorceress; even the Child of Destiny is a girl. I must admit I have nothing insightful to say about this choice however – my analytical powers sometimes fail me in the face of a Lucas plot.

This film has all the more entertaining points you’d expect from Lucas Arts as well: Visuals are fantastic, effects are great, the filming locations (and there are many) are all stunning. I’m sure that in a theater, the pretties on the giant screen would have overshadowed all the nonsense, making for an entertaining slightly-over-two hours.